Neeraj Gupta

                         Dil ki baat kahin lub pe na Aa jaye,
                         Haste haste aankh kahin na bhar aaye.



Neeraj, it is exactly one month since you left us but even now it is becoming increasingly difficult to believe that you are not around.You know, sometimes when Ruby calls me up from your mobile and your name flashes on my mobile screen,your usual opening words "Namastey papa" start echoing in my ears.During these 31 days one thing which has come to my mind a million times is the day in March when you had asked me "papa,how much more time you think it will take for me to become normal". Not knowing what to say, I had said that these things normally take time and according to me it will take another 3-4 months.
"Three four months" you had spoken to yourself as if it was a very long time. Little did we know(neither you nor I) that these 3-4 months will change our entire lives.    Love you Ng.

Three weeks and three days have passed. Today is Rakhi. Rakhi day was always special for me. It was a day just about us. Just you and I and our bond. We have so many good memories of Rakhi. The best part of Rakhi for me was when you used to touch my feet. It was such a joke! I remember when I had first gone to the US. I could never get ready made rakhis there so I always had to get creative and make homemade rakhis. You used to love those rakhis so much. Sometimes, I used to make them from shoe laces; others times from embroidery threads. I used to send tikka stuff in little paper sachets, similar to homeopathic medicines. Every year, you used to look forward to what kind of contraption you would get and you would wear it for many many days, with pride. I remember you were so sad when rediff.com came along and you no longer got homemade rakhis.

The rakhi I will remember the most though is the one I tied to you three weeks and three days ago, while you were preparing to leave us for good. I hope you could feel it on your hand; that you could hear my well wishes; and feel my love for you. Good luck to you brother, wherever you are.

Nannu chacha.. the name resonates in my heart, the name flashes memories of the last so so many years in seconds. There is something that I need to write but I don't know if its essence will be captured. The last that I met him, he was disturbed about his illness but if he knew that he was going so soon, then that was not evident in any way. He was brave and smiling. When I left, and thereafter too I always believed that in time, may be longer than usual, he will get alrite. If I imagined my life, I would see him around in our old age... talking, connecting just as it was 20, 10 or 5  yrs ago. Him being around and the friendship we shared would be the same , would feel the same even 40 yrs down the line. And if so was my feeling, I wonder what happened for him to go so randomly, so arbit. Or may be I was just hoping for him to be around.

My first memory of him is almost 25 yrs ago, when we first met , he came with some chocolates in a brown paper cover, a trend which he continued till the time he thot we were old enuff to not be enjoying chocolates any more. We were kiddies, and he must have been around 20 or less.... if I think of it now, there was no reason for him to really come and play with us or be with us, but he did choose that. He was playing with me and picked me and gestured to throw me down the balcony and gosh I was so scared and then he kept saying sorry... and I think it was there that our bond was made. In the last 25 years, if I met him a 100 times then I clearly remember at least 70 of our meetings. He was always full of affection not for everyone..but for the ones he connected with. And if he connected with someone then he was all theirs forever. 

He would teach me Physics from Resnick and Haliday and we had heard that he was brilliant in his studies. As we grew up, there was a consensus amongst us kiddies that he was the most handsome and most gentle person in our family. He would drop in at my office for a quick coffee break and we would just chat about random things. He was always interested in listening and trying to solve any of my problems. Was always excited to tell about new PVR Projects or just have some philosophical chats. It was always comforting. We always sort or had meetings, like he would come , chat and go and it was just simple and comforting.

When someone dies, and we think of him, then we are able to actually see thru his soul, and I think he was an old soul who was too simple and yet extraordinary. I think he wanted to say something, but there is something he could never say and may be we connected at that point of silence and may be that was the case with everyone that he was attached to. His soul was wandering and finding people it called its own and believed in the general goodness. In all these years, I never had to put any  effort to keep in touch , it was always him - he would call me the special one, but now that I read and see, he was the special one coz he touched so many lives without wanting anything in return, he made others special , he gave them a special place in his heart. I believe it must have been my very good deeds that he came to me in this life as an angel always floating around. And as well, i must have done something really wrong for him to have gone from my life so soon. 

I will always and always miss him in every milestone of my life. I do feel that he will come around in some other way as someone else, and I hope to find him again in his new life. He gave my life beautiful memories to cherish - which he believed in I think -  to create good memories. His presence made a difference. I will remember the twinkle in his eye when he purposely said something mischevious, his innocent smile, the way he would do ha ha ha, his chocolates, his randomness and above all his loving and affectionate nature. I will miss my very dear friend and the one last chat that I wanted to have with him but was never destined.

Lots of Love Gugu 

I have'nt written anything till now cos honestly I'm at a loss for words.

Nanu, its been slightly over 2 weeks. and I still cannot believe that you are not here. The only thing playing-on-repeat in my mind is the telephone chat we had in November 2012. It was a Sunday. You could barely speak; but you still called me and you were very upset about my father's death. And we spoke about your health. And we cried together for the times gone by and for your illness. And you laughingly said to me what is meant to happen will. You also made me promise to make Rajneesh meet your Dad. Its a promise I will fulfill ...  Ruby tells me that you were very exuberant after that chat. 

I've known your family and you forever. I'm going to remember the cheerful, always-loudly-laughing, happy person that you were.

I wish you every happiness ... wherever you are & wherever you go. 

Neeraj, To-day  there was puja and havan at home. Wise people of this world say it is the  end of mourning. I, however, wonder how can there be end of mourning for the people who have lost a dear one at a very unfortunate time. They will definitely wake up to a new grief every morning.

I could hear pundit ji giving the same old sermon. ”Everybody who has come into this world has to go sooner or later. This is the call of nature. Then why to mourn? ”It may sound logical but there has to be a proper time for everything... After all that Almighty cannot be unaware of the disastrous consequences if efforts are made to pull out something   out of turn from the middle of the stack”

Pundit ji continued “if somebody goes young it means he has completed his allotted job fast. He is comparable with somebody graduating at 16.This calls for celebration not mourning” I could see he was only trying to console the bereaved family. Otherwise how can anybody say that if somebody leaves this world at the prime of his age leaving behind little kids he has completed his allotted job fast. Only WE, not the world at large, can realise how much it hurts. But then who are we to interfere with the will of God. As Lord Krishna himself said even He   cannot change what has already been written. So Ng, I know you are nearer to God than we are. Please pray to Him to give us all the strength to bear this untimely loss.

Ng, do you know something. Rishit  has grown big, To-day he promised to me to look after not only himself but also Ruby and Ishita. Great Na. love